Honestly, for the first couple of weeks, all these questions stressed me right out! My breath became constantly stuck in my chest and breathing deeply to relax my body became a very conscious practice. I lived in the future and constantly worried about these questions.
Then I had an epiphany. This morning, as I slowly meandered around the coastline at sunrise, the thought sprang into my mind like the sun popping up from behind Mt. Rinjani. I understood that it wasn’t about discovering and branding my own identity because I constantly do the work on myself and am extremely confident that I know who I am, but that isn't the point. It's not about me. It's about YOU. It's about you meeting with the creation and your own divinity and having the time to ask yourself “How Am I Really?”
As I walk today, I feel that through powerful meditations, intense pranayama sessions, Reiki treatments and those lovely simple moments in life where everything is just sheer bliss, I have uncovered why I can't define me for you yet.
Because I am nothing.
Because I am everything.
The longer I walk the more I become “edgeless”, and the more I become edgeless, the more I experience a connection to all that's around me; the sand, the sky, that leaf, the joggers and you. I literally feel like Scarlett Johansson in the movie ‘Lucy’, when she has just drunk champagne and her skin starts dissolving off her into the atmosphere (great movie, watch it!).
I become nothing more than a vibration, “the entire ocean in a drop”, to quote Rumi. I am nothing more than the exhaled breath that you just breathed in. I am you and you are me. There is no mind, no yoga asana to perfect before posting it on social media for your viewing pleasure. There is only a pure, divine joining of energy. I feel all. I feel the fear and pain in the tree branch that's being cut down and I understand the exertion of the sweating boy in the tree with a saw in his hand. I am the complex simplicity of the plant that looks still, but is constantly evolving and providing. I am the mother's love of the chicken calling to her chick. I am Yoga.
When I feel stressed, anxious and worried about the future, I am full of edges and I am disconnected. In my youth, I would feel so caged and uncomfortable in my own skin that I would have to take a blade and physically cut away the edges of myself to let the inside pour out of me, so I could feel some sort of connection to something. But we are more and life is more than disconnection. We started life as the result of two people intimately joining together and experiencing an orgasm! Why should we not continue our lives with that much joy, connection, and vitality bursting out of us?
We choose how we live by the vibration we send out and some days it's ok to vibrate at the same frequency as the bed, when life is sad and we feel stuck or overwhelmed, then retreat under the duvet and rest. It's ok to vibrate as highly as the cosmos and become contagiously enthusiastic about life! It's ok, right now, whatever your frequency, it's ok. How humbling and how empowering to know that we are just here to radiate and receive love.
So, what do I have to offer you that all the thousands of other yoga teachers, retreats and people out there don’t have to offer you?
Nothing! And yet, maybe everything! The universe wants to meet with us, to stir things up inside of us, to shake and wake us all up to the experience of bliss and it has chosen me to facilitate that meeting. It keeps me humble and so overwhelmingly excited to know that when we meet the vibration and sense of belonging will change us, forever. So, how are you, really?
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