To answer this question we must be willing to be 100% honest; otherwise, neither our life situation nor we are going to ever get fixed. By complaining and carrying on, we are only fashioning a perfect scenario for a lifelong of lamentations that will make our company heavy. In the best-case scenario, it will arouse pity and force people to ‘stick’ with us. But in most cases, this will lead to annoyance and suffocation.
The reason we complain so much is because we are not willing to address the real root of our uncomfortable feelings and, with the help of the ‘complaining agents,’ we automatically transfer the responsibility of our feelings to a source outside us. We are then free from inner work, free to blame something else for creating our sadness.
We all have personal reasons for placing a heartache, stress, loneliness, anger in a life situation. It might be a difficult upbringing, financial problems, family issues, divorce, a mental or physical manifestation of a disease…But in reality, joy and sorrow are never in the resolution or absence of this factors, they are within us.
We all know people who have reasons to be stressed but they are still happy. By simplifying things, by stopping the struggle that comes with all the violent emotions that attack our inner peace, it is vital to find stillness.
Enter a meditative state
The solution to all our problems comes from a meditative state. Meditation is not about fixing anyone or anything. It means to become in such a way that you are no longer the source that powers the engine of difficulties. Wherever you are, you become the solution and not the problem!
When we become a solution, we also welcome every life situation. Everyone wants a solution, but once we become the extension of the problem we start to repel people and any positive outcomes.
A mother who can listen and guide, trusting that every soul has its own path to walk and offers comprehension that defies moral concepts can be a solution in a child’s life. In opposition, a mother who allowed fear shape her love and parental responsibilities, who acts upon that force by attempts of control, soon becomes irritable and her reactions will translate as part of the child’s problem. Be the solution!
An unhappy spouse who is blaming the other for his/ her (bad) inner feelings is a person who decided to live unconsciously.
Either we are the issue and complain about difficulties, or we work towards clarification and build an emotional connection that others want to reach out for, to be around, to find.
How often we find ourselves complaining about a relationship, saying that we don’t get along with our partners and still, years after the initial incompatibility we embark in a life of commitments, children and repetitive cycles? The only positive side of nurturing such a coexistence, as we have in our actual lives, is learning how to avoid the same kind of partnerships in the future.
Live with awareness
In times when we feel the seeds of disagreement being planted in our hearts, we need to visit the garden of our souls and detect the weeds of insecurity before they flourish as the fruit of it is inevitably sorrow. Meditate, take time to know yourself, come back when your heart is at peace and the love – that is free – can be offered as opposed to conflict. Be a solution!
At your workplace, don’t let your dissatisfaction add misery through loops of negative comments. Replace dissatisfaction with gratitude and you will be wanted.
At home, don’t let your inner turmoil determine your mood through unconsciousness, and you will become a home yourself.
In a relationship, be the solution within yourself, self-allowing to trust in face of the variables that surround any romantic association. Be still and let it breathe, and you will be loved.
To live with awareness means to be incredibly responsible. While living like this, we might confront rejection and people will at times misuse our trust. In these moments, let the pain polish your heart and trust anyway, not others only but yourself, and you will be a temple.
The names that we give to our stagnation (our personality, responsibilities, fears) don’t really matter; there’s never a perfect scenario for when to start to follow the voice in our hearts, but by acting upon bravery we automatically shift our positions from the result of an unconscious procedure into the process of awareness. When we are aware we also become grateful.
Be aware of your choices
First, we must fix the fundamentals. Wherever we are right now is an emotional place. It is not someone, it's never a situation. By believing that it is, we are delegating the solution outside of us. Even if we reach outcomes that we wanted by default, the pleasure of it shall be momentary; whatever is happening inside, it is within us, and it either requires courage to change it or faith to learn to settle into it.
If we stay where we are, there’s a consequence. If we leave the place we’re at, there’s a consequence. Everything comes with consequences, but at least we are given the opportunity to act with awareness instead of being in a helpless unconscious state of existence.
Reflect upon your choices. Ignoring the power of your choices is also a choice, although a disempowering one.
In face of the rope of your agitated thoughts wavering you into a dead past and an inexistent future, stop, release it, close your eyes while free falling, then step back into the present moment and be grateful for the apparent out of control situations in life. Let them be the gravity that pushes you from an illusory state towards ultimate reality.
An indisposition that won’t let you get out of a bed of loneliness in a grey morning might be a subtle opportunity that your body is offering for you to find a solution. Take the chance, study yourself and learn how to cheer up and be strong in face of doubts. Be grateful when your body gets exhausted – it’s only teamwork, it is a partnership with your mind getting you into stillness, so make the most of it.
It is impossible to be grateful and sad at the same time; we must choose one or another.
We always have a choice. Perhaps not outside, where the circumstances play an important role in where we find ourselves in the present, but within. Look inwards, where the circumstances have no power. There, we always have a solution.
Embark on a journey of deep self-exploration by joining a yoga ashram. Become the solution and the best version of yourself!