Unblocking Relationships the Yogic Way
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Upon heading back from London to Ibiza in preparation for the Kriya Yoga and chakra energy teachers training, I struck a conversation with a free spirited middle aged lady, who lives alone in a yurt that she built within a pine forest in Ibiza. She told me about a life breakthrough that motivated her to reach out to those people whose relationships had ended badly. He called many of them only to realize that she had been blocked by many of them.
When I asked how that made her feel, she said “well that’s a clear sign they don't want me in their life”. Her response made me wonder if blocking someone was an appropriate yogic behavior, so I told her I was going to write an article about this topic and send her a copy.
First let’s define the term. According to the oxford dictionary, to block is “to put an obstacle in the way of (something proposed or attempted)”. Therefore, when you block someone, it is a clear signal that you’re ‘pissed off’ in a non delicate way. Is it violent? In a yogic perspective and from a higher conscious aspect, yes, I think so. And it says more about the person enacting it than the person receiving the block.
Often it suggests issues that the blocking party chooses not to deal with or spend energy on. This is an unhealthy tool in a society that is already fragmented with distance and workload of life, such that the one portal which could harmonize friction actually enhances the rift and stores pent-up frustrations, anger and bitterness until they are ready to unblock.
During the yoga retreats that we organize, on which we promote loving intimate relationships, you can probably imagine we are not advocates of this feature unless there is a physical threat of safety. However, if you are the person who has been blocked, it can still hurt and many issues come up for healing. So I recommend seeing this in a positive light and following these steps:
- Seek out the parts of you that are feeling rejection and often these will be in the heart chakra, solar plexus. There could be thoughts such as “I am not worthy”, “I am not loveable” or “I am not good enough”; so take self responsibility and claim back self worth through the asana practice by opening the heart chakra and breathing to break free the locked in emotion caused by the block. Allow yourself to vent this through emotionally releasing Ujjayi breath.
- Offer forgiveness to yourself and do not blame yourself as this is exactly what the other party wishes to achieve.
- Then offer forgiveness to the other party for having to resort to such drastic measure and take self responsibility here for you actions that lead to this.
- Lastly and possibly the toughest, be grateful that this happened so you could go deep to your self healing process as without this ‘blocking’ event you would have still had your blind spots unidentified.
- Let them be and offer your goodwill at a distance and let them know the door is open should they be ready to engage again from a place of maturity and be ready to accept that may never happen.
- This is a great lesson to be non-emotional. There is a delicate balance in open-heart people and their emotions. Thus, remain open yet non-emotional.
- Lastly, don’t take it personal.
For the blocking party, clearly this is an indication they are not ready to navel-gaze, so, until they are, there isn’t much to do. Because above all else, yoga recommends non-attachment and the very act of blocking actually does the reverse. It locks in this passive violent way of ending relationships. So both parties are left in isolation to lick their wounds and move on.
For that reason, I would recommend a “timeout” app. Moving on in isolation is advised where harmony can still be maintained. We say “timeout” app but the very act of a block is indicative of conflict and offers no resolution. The “timeout” app says I need a break for now and let’s pick this when I am ready. It’s more compassionate, harmonious and yogic.
In the Patanjali Sutras, its says the aim of yoga is to still the mind, so the blocking happening to you is a great lesson to be unaffected as it’s the blocker who has the issue of not dealing with the matter, and it will continue to surface in their lives until it is. As a yogi you have understood that this is all about you and not them and to learn self responsibility and self heal those parts which led the party to cause a block.
The yogic way would be with a “timeout”. A block is too harsh and violent and in a world already hostile, it does nothing to make peace and love in relating, the block expands fear and conflict.